Vacuum Cleaners Really Suck!

I hate vacuum cleaners, Dirt Devils, Hoovers, Bissells, Eurekas and especially Dysons, with that sexy English guy, James, who totally gives me goosebumps even though he’s expounding on dust riddance procedures. His evocative explanations of centrifugal forces and ball technology are a dangerous combination of Professor from Gilligans Island and Heath Ledger in some oversexed British film that I can’t recall the name of. I don’t care how much money he makes as a vacuum cleaner magnate. He missed his calling as a 900 number operator. If only Lavalite could have him as a spokesperson.

Click here to download my book, Just Kidding (not really) to read the rest of this and 60 other funny essays about life, marriage, kids and being neurotic. 

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