Woodpeckers…the Original Head Bangers

I’m sitting here watching a woodpecker hard at work on a pine tree in the front yard. I can actually see him now because I cleaned the windows this morning. Before the Windex job, my windows were sort of like looking through a Jackson Pollack painting without my contacts in or watching HDTV channel 191…all static all the time. I have to admit, though, that high definition static is more impressive than regular static. Unless it’s the kind of static that causes balloons to stick to your hair without using mousse or rubber cement. Now THAT’S impressive…and amusing for hours on end.

After taking two whole hours off my life with newspaper and a Windex bottle, I now understand why housekeeping services draw the line at cleaning windows. It’s hard work. However, someone please tell me what they have against dusting ceiling fan blades, a chore that takes all of 90 seconds, and a stepladder unless you have Wilt Chamberlain cleaning your house, which would be highly improbable since he died about eight years ago and before death was way too busy creating a generation of towering offspring numerous enough to populate Uzbekistan. That fact according to my husband, a repository of information on sports legend obituaries and offspring and countries that need more people.

Click here to download my book, Just Kidding (not really) to read the rest of this and 60 other funny essays about life, marriage, kids and being neurotic. 

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