Women’s Locker Room Decorum

All names in this blog entry have been changed to protect the unclothed… and their inadvertent victims.

My friend Jessica just called, jarring me out of my writer’s block, to tell me that she’d once again been optically assaulted in the gym locker room by Carlie Crenshaw’s naked breasts. I knew exactly what Jessica had experienced because it happened to me last week… and the week before. Carlie is one of those “overly proud of her body” age 40-something gym goers who would much rather spend an hour prancing around the locker room stark naked, than actually doing any kind of exercise. It’s as if she’s trying out for the part of a middle-aged Crystal on Girls Next Door and we, her not so body-confident audience members, should be honored to admire her firm, cellulite free, silicone free body. I wouldn’t be surprised if she soon has a dancing pole installed next to the towel racks. …

Click here to download my book, Just Kidding (not really) to read the rest of this and 60 other funny essays about life, marriage, kids and being neurotic. 

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