I’m cheap. Okay. I admit it. While some of my best friends wait around salivating for the newest J Crew catalog, I’m in Ross sorting through their latest shipment of Ralph Lauren seconds. These polos are only one-third of average retail price. The rider is missing from the logo and the left sleeve is four inches longer than the right….

Click here to download my book, Just Kidding (not really) to read the rest of this and 60 other funny essays about life, marriage, kids and being neurotic.