My sinuses are on the blink again—-this time clogged tightly with what feels like joint compound or caulking material. Whenever I try to inhale through my nose the air hits a roadblock and my head gets that overblown balloon that’s about to pop feeling. Since breathing tends not to be optional (with me…anyway…I’m so high maintenance), my mouth has had to take over all breathing duties and is developing a resentment about the extra work load.

If I believed that God ever used recycled parts when creating humans, I’d wager that he gave me the aftermarket sinuses of a consumptive coal miner, rather than shiny new ones right off the celestial assembly line.

Click here to download my book, Just Kidding (not really) to read the rest of this and 60 other funny essays about life, marriage, kids and being neurotic.