Yes, of course the names and locations have been changed. I think I’ll start a new business “Poison Pen Custom Complaint Letters”

Dear President of Sporatic Trust Savings,

I’ve been a customer for nearly a year. After moving to Phommisboro, my husband and I realized the need to bank locally with trusted, reputable community members. We visited every financial institution in town considering the features and benefits of each. Ultimately we were proud to choose Sporatic Trust Savings.

For the most part we’ve been pleased with your service, rates and lobby décor. But words simply can’t express the frustration I feel when leaving town for a weekend getaway, driving up to your ATM only to find, once again, that it’s OUT. OF. ORDER.. This has happened to me at least three times and my husband, twice. All I can ask is W-T-H-!??!?!?!?!?

I have no idea what excuses you’re making for your ATM’s malfunction, what lame, pathetic reasons you offer customers for holding their money hostage on weekends when they just may be in a life or death situation and need cash fast. Perhaps they’re being blackmailed, have an angry dealer on their hands, or need to put down a deposit on a new liver.

Click here to download my book, Just Kidding (not really) to read the rest of this and 60 other funny essays about life, marriage, kids and being neurotic.