Toilet Telephoning: is it just me or is that…. wrong?

“Angela, Honey, I’ve GOT to have the recipe for that soup you made us last night. It was DE-VINE…and such a good colon cleanser.”

This is the text I received from my friend Amanda this morning. I can’t help but wonder if she typed it from the comfort of her toilet seat, during the therapeutic internal cleansing elicited by my chicken tortilla soup. I guess I should be flattered.

Maybe it’s a niche I can fill in the meal delivery business, catering to a constipated clientele…

Click here to download my book, Just Kidding (not really) to read the rest of this and 60 other funny essays about life, marriage, kids and being neurotic. 

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12 Responses to Toilet Telephoning: is it just me or is that…. wrong?

  1. Joanne says:

    OMG! I have tears running down my face! That was hysterical! And I agree with you, NO PHONE ON THE TOILET. Although I do usually take a book in with me. Even that makes my daughter gag. Good job…..very entertaining!


  2. Sharon says:

    It is just wrong. Though I must I've done it in an emergency. Why worry about a book or magazine in the bathroom? That's why it's referred to as the Reading Room


  3. Carol Wood says:

    Tell your mother that she should call my sister. I'm with you. I do not want to hear my sister open another “jar lid” while I am on the phone with her. And man, your mom has exactly the same voice as mine. I mean I heard her. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one that gets beat up by their mom.
    Great read!


  4. Wanda says:

    Absolutely hysterical. I've done this a couple times but am always fearful of being found out. Eeeegads! Have we become so busy we can't even have privacy here? I was so happy when my children were old enough that I didn't need them to accompany me to the bathroom.


  5. Wojo says:

    Snort…that's so disgusting. Even worse? Being in a public bathroom and having someone start talking from the stall next to you. I thought she was talking to me. Wrong…she was on the phone. Really? You can't wait a couple minutes to be finished? Puleeze…


  6. Alice Masci says:

    Oh that's hilarious! I thought I was the only one who thought it was funny that people would say “new baby”. As if there's such a thing as an “old baby”.

    I think the whole talking on the toilet thing is wrong and will only resort to it in an emergency, then will flush after I hang up so the person on the other end is none the wiser!


  7. Corn salad? I nearly choked when I read that — Hilarious! My mother and your mother need to chat on the phone sometime. Mine even calls me when she is constipated because she says I make her relax… UGH! Will add your blog to my favorites, and if I can figure out how to put a links page on my blog, I'll add you to it! Great writing!


  8. Jody Worsham says:

    Ok, then why do they have telephones next to the toilet in some hotels? Hummmm? Stepping out of the shower stark naked and talking….or sitting and talking? As long as it's not one of those web cam phones or one where you can't muffle “sounds”, I just never ask. I try never to sit on the toilet and answer the phone because whoever is calling always asks “What cha doing?” Funny topic and funny writing.


  9. Thanks, everyone for leaving comments. You've certainly given my family some great dinnertime conversation tonight…sans the corn salad.


  10. Jeanne says:

    I believe that if you got to go, you gotta go. If someone calls me and it is at that time, its their nickel. Might as well give them a little extra. I am just not on the phone that much but when I have to go, it could be rather urgent so I might go. SOmetimes i hold the cell phone outside the door and flush away. I have also been in the bathroom with a walkie talkie at work. You can always tell because of the echo….No class!


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  12. Angela,
    That is hysterical and soooo true!
    I just want you to know that I have a daughter just like you 🙂
    She also likes to rise above our human condition. I think it takes class to have a whole conversation with someone using eight-sylable words while sitting on the John – and they don't have a clue. I hold off on the FLUSH until I hang up. I did a job interview like that once. What a load off my mind!


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