Could You Please Pass the Kidney Stones?

The utilitarian coldness of the empty emergency department exam room where I sit echoes the urgency and temporariness of its use. I have no idea why I just wrote that sentence. It sounds like the beginning of a melancholy textbook written perhaps by Dorothy Parker, who I DO NOT want to imitate. Oh heck, it makes me sound sort of smart, so I won’t delete it.

I’m here waiting for my friend Amanda. Apparently she spent the morning wrestling and writhing with kidney stones in the vacant bed at my feet while our other friend Melanie sat vigil. However minutes before Melanie clocked out and I arrived to take her place, Amanda was whisked off to CT. I’m not sure what CT stands for because my medical knowledge doesn’t go far beyond the Fisher-Price doctor kit Santa brought when I was three. Sure I’ve had two babies in hospitals and know a myriad of uses for Benadryl, Tylenol and Pepto Bismol (don’t leave tablets in the pocket of your white pants, while washing a load of “lights.”) The results are…

Click here to download my book, Just Kidding (not really) to read the rest of this and 60 other funny essays about life, marriage, kids and being neurotic. 

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This entry was posted in kidney stone humor, kidney stones, kidney stones are hell, passing kidney stones. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Could You Please Pass the Kidney Stones?

  1. Sharon says:

    Great story. Love that opening line. Glad you decided to keep it. Hope Amanda has passed all those stones and is feeling better. You really hit the right note with the young woman who delivered the news. they tend to say, “Well, we're going to be taking out your heart, lungs and liver. You'll be fine in the morning with just a little discomfort.”

    Like

  2. Jody Worsham says:

    Haven't a clue, but I've heard they are painful. Hope your friend is “happy” if not completely devoid of all stones.

    Like

  3. Nick Thomas says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Like

  4. gil says:

    Angela, I am an avid reader of your writings. You are always so funny. I am glad you picked this as an occupation. Keep up the good and funny stories. P.S. are your stories real or fictional?

    Like

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