Random Friday Thoughts of an Insecure, Self-Doubting Writer Type

It’s Friday, 7:28 a.m. I’m on my second cup of coffee, laden with Hazelnut creamer. The din of boy chatter, MLB Network TV and rambunctious puppy chasing angry cat activity has been removed. Everyone is at Chick Fil A. And I’m sitting here alone with my coffee and laptop…forcing myself to write. “To truly be a writer, one must write on a schedule, at least several times a week.” I’ve heard and read this from teachers and successful writers at least 100 times since starting my blog three years ago. That word “consistency” keeps creeping up.

My biggest fear is having a terribly mediocre blog that is a self indulgent regurgitation of nothingness. Nothingness that’s interesting only to me. But in order to play the game and get “better” I have to write….. even when I have nothing remotely interesting to say. But I’m writing anyway….because I’m supposed to. So here goes. (My sincerest apologies if after reading this you want your five minutes back and wish you’d spent it ironing your boss’s underwear or watering the weeds in your neighbor’s yard.)

Okay, onto my Friday collection of randomness.

 1) I don’t understand liberals. I really don’t. I can’t understand why it would be the government’s job to provide contraceptives for women. Sex is not something that people HAVE to do in order to live. It’s a choice, an activity or hobby, if you will.

When I water ski, I don’t demand that the government provide me with a life vest, or a helmet when I’m biking. Those are necessities that I take the responsibility of purchasing if I’m going to engage in the activity.

I don’t think the issue of providing contraceptives is about women not having the means to purchase them. It’s about not taking responsibility for their actions. If the government were to use our tax dollars to hire condom passer-outers to every low income, sexually active female in the 50 states, who is to guarantee that they USE the free birth control? I really hope things don’t get to the point where we hire people to monitor THAT. (sort of like the “bee watcher-watchers” in Dr. Seuss’s Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are.)

The contraceptive stock photo that I downloaded somehow went missing. So I substituted it with this image of Neptune that Andrew used in his planets scrapbook last week. It does sort of look like an unfertilized egg, though. Too bad there wasn’t a comet in the picture.

I’m shaking my head on this one, fearing that government is trying to take on the role of being a functioning brain for women who are too stupid or lazy to make their own responsible choices. And NO, I’m NOT attacking people who are down on their luck and out of a job right now. And if you call me a woman hating racist, I’ll go all Madea on you!!!!

2) I’ve lost 10 pounds in two weeks!!!!! That excites me. Aside from jump starting my diet with the stomach flu, I’ve stopped eating anything after 6 pm and eliminated alcohol, soda and sweets. Also, I’ve upped my water consumption considerably. It’s amazing how much we eat just out of boredom or because something looks tasty.

I thought I had a photo of me when I used to be really thin, but couldn’t find one. Instead, please enjoy this display of laziness brought to you by either James, Andrew or Jack. Surely some community college offers an elective on how to change the toilet paper role. 

I’m finding that when I eat only when I’m hungry, I take in wayyyyyyy fewer calories. Somehow, as a society, we’ve veered far, far away from eating to live. Most of us live to eat.

3) I haven’t had an alcoholic beverage in almost a month. According to my friends Amanda and Jessica, that makes me un-fun.

4) My mother exhausts me.

5) Apparently my dog Katie isn’t completely house broken yet. My house is starting to smell like the Humane Society.

6) This coffee is really good.

7) I still can’t get the Teddy Bear Picnic song out of my head. TO make things worse, Andrew made it my ringtone.

8) When I was in high school, I thought I’d be famous one day. I’m now 38, with nothing out of the ordinary to show for my life, except I still have my double jointed shoulder trick. It’s a hit at parties, but I don’t think it’ll land me on the cover of Time.

9) I think people who say they enjoy cleaning their houses are either liars or suffer from a mental illness.

10) I’m going to hide James’ WLHS t-shirt, the one that he bought from Kroger. He wears it, like, at least every day. I think there is something fundamentally wrong with purchasing your clothing from the grocery store. But maybe that’s just me being old fashioned.

It’s now almost 8:30. Time for me to hang up the writerly cloak and clock in as the Hospice Advantage public relations professional that I am. Gotta love working from home.

After reading over this post myself, I’m sorry to have wasted your time. I am a boring human being. If you’d rather iron your boss’s underwear next time, I completely understand and won’t be offended.

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This entry was posted in developing a writing habit, government issued contraceptives, how to be famous, how to lose 10 pounds in two weeks, my mother drives me crazy, TLC exploits people, why don't men change the toilet paper. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Random Friday Thoughts of an Insecure, Self-Doubting Writer Type

  1. Wanda says:

    If I had known I could use boring shit, such as my life, for my blog – well, I could have updated it at least once, maybe twice in the past 5 months. Instead I have let it linger and get moldy. Thanks for being brave enough to be boring. Luvs ya

    Like

  2. Anonymous says:

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  3. Funny, Wanda, sometimes what we consider to be boring, we're often able to put a twist on it that's very entertaining.

    Like

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