My Husband Sleeps with a Giant Catfish and My Dog Eats my Undies

Apparently James doesn’t appreciate the merits of having Katie, our 50 pound “puppy” sleeping between us every night. He’s ridiculously selfish with his half of the bed and wants to make sure there’s plenty of room for the grown man-sized stuffed catfish he cuddles with.

Nothing gets you in a hot lovin’ mood like sharing a bed with a stuffed catfish….It’s James’ “blankie”…just sayin’


So, once again, it was up to me to “save our marriage” by going out and buying a dog bed. Why do we have a king-sized bed if just the two of us are going to use it? I mean this is rural Georgia fergodsake! We should at least have a couple of goats joining us along with Katie and the two cats (who he’s also kicked out). I think James is being terribly unreasonable. I’m glad we don’t live in Tokyo. Imagine the space hog issues he’d have there.

So, I took advantage of Big Lots’ dog bed sale on Saturday. Apparently it was also Honey Boo Boo look-alike day there too. But that’s a whole ‘nother post. $20 got a lovely Pottery Barn-style pooch pillow that goes perfectly with our décor.

“Mom, Katie’s not going to lie on that,” said Andrew who knows EVERYTHING!”

“Yes she will. She’ll love it,” I defended as we watched Katie tooth clamp the corner of her new bed and drag it away from her favorite lying spot on the living room floor.

Katie…refusing to lie on her new, awesome dog bed. Dumb, unappreciative, unmaterialistic Dog!!!


“Better keep the tag on it, just in case,” Andrew replied, as I tried to ignore the dog plopping down on the wooden floor right next to the pillow she’d just relocated.”

ME: “Quit being such a doubting Thomasena! You’re just like your father! What’s that she’s chewing on?”

ANDREW: “The dog bed tag.”

ME: “That means she loves it. She’s telling us she loves it by chewing up the tag so we won’t take it back!”

ANDREW: “Mom, she also chews on the cats, the coffee table and your underwear”

That was three days ago. Katie still avoids her new bed, opting for the Simmons Beautyrest or the hardwood floors.

Oh, and about my undies! Katie has 1,752 chew toys, but prefers my Victoria’s Secret bikinis. She’s shredded and eaten three pairs now and has taught herself how to open my dresser drawer. I feel obligated to reference the joke: “It’s a dog eat dog world. And I’m wearing milkbone underwear. So, I need new undies, but you can bet your Hanes Her Way, I won’t be asking James to buy them.

I wrestled my black polka dotted panties away from Katie to find that she’d eaten the crotch.


That’s all for tonight. Scoot over, James. You and your blasted fish are taking up mine and Katie’s space!!!

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About angelaweight

Awkward, imperfect, ADD wife to tightly wound financial planner, mom of two boys, and rescuer of lucky stray animals. I should probably see a therapist rather than write a blog. But hopefully I can offer a few laughs along the way.
This entry was posted in bass pro shop stuffed fish, Big Lots, dog chewing up underwear., dog sleeping in bed with owner, Honey Boo Boo. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to My Husband Sleeps with a Giant Catfish and My Dog Eats my Undies

  1. Hah! My sister used to have that SAME catfish! She finally threw it out when the guy who gave it to her (long story) got engaged to someone else. I'm guessing that wouldn't work with this scenario…

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  2. Hah! My sister used to have that SAME catfish! She finally threw it out when the guy who gave it to her (long story) got engaged to someone else. I'm guessing that wouldn't work with this scenario…

    Like

  3. Anonymous says:

    You are so hot!

    Like

  4. Oh, this is *so* funny! I just recently got a dog bed for my 50lb dog, too. (My husband doesn't have the fish pillow, but I'm not going to show him that picture just in case he thinks that's a good idea, though!)

    Like

  5. LOL! My photo could start a new husband trend of sleeping with stuffed catfish. perhaps a rainbow trout will do.

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  6. Sharon says:

    What a story! And people ask why I don't have a pet??

    Like

  7. Jody Worsham says:

    You are a brave and generous wife. Hubby doesn't sleep with a fish, but I have often awakened to find he has stashed various critters in our bathtub: chicken he found on the side of the road, a grinle fish, ducks etc.

    Like

  8. LOL! Jody, chickens in the bathtub! What would I do if I woke up to that???

    Like

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