Suitable Toilet Paper Substitutes…One Frugal (or Lazy) Family’s Story

I just got home from spending a week in lovely Bay City, Michigan, where I saw only ONE person wearing Tigers apparel. That’s just so wrong. Those fans need to be slapped around.

Anyway, here’s a conversation I had today that might give you a glimpse as to what I missed and how much my husband and mother must hate going to the store.

ME: “Where’s the Kleenex? I just opened a new box.”

ANDREW: “We used it all.”

ME: “Allergies?”

ANDREW: “No, we’ve been out of toilet paper since Sunday.”

Exhibit A: Bathroom #1 Emily Post would die!

ME: (laughing) “Thank goodness for Kleenex.”

Exhibit B: yep, we’re really out. I love the way someone took the empty roll off (which probably means they USED it. Wonder how many people have ever done that.)

ANDREW: “And paper towels. We’re out of those too now. But I’m REALLY glad we found the plunger”

ME: “Wow! What have you guys been eating?”

ANDREW: “Well, Grandma’s got this thing about us getting enough fiber. Please don’t make us eat any more bran muffins.”

Exhibit C: empty paper towel roll

ME: “What did you use after you ran out of paper towels?”

This entry was posted in Anakin Skywalker, corn cobs as toilet paper, Dublin Courier Herald, Kleenex used as toilet paper, out of toilet paper. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Suitable Toilet Paper Substitutes…One Frugal (or Lazy) Family’s Story

  1. We have been known to use paper towels, Kleenex and dinner napkins (paper ones). My grandmother used to use old rags, then toss them.

    Did you know you can use some plants for TP? Like lamb's ears and mullein, just in case you have any growing around there. They're SO soft, too. Somebody once told me you can use big leaves from trees, but check for ants first. 😀


  2. Great comment, Bobbi. I LOVE lamb's ear. Might want to plant some in the bathroom.


  3. So funny!!!!!! And, with a family of 7, SO TRUE! Newest follower.


  4. Janie Emaus says:

    I've used a coffee filter!


  5. Anonymous says:

    OMG! Don't forget the old stand-by, Sears catalogs. Do they still print them? If not you could use a Cabela's catalog.


  6. Sharon says:

    Oops, Anoymous is me. I hit the wrong button too soon.


  7. Aw Sharon, I thought I had a stalker secret admirer type.


  8. Anne Kimball says:

    Hi Angela, I’m Anne from Life on the Funny Farm (, and I’m visiting from Finding the Funny.

    Too funny! I will admit to using the cardboard tp rolls when in public stalls devoid of tp. Since you asked.
    My hubs is kinda freaky about running out of TP, so keeping stocked up is a priority for me. Point of pride, actually. Yep. I have a full life….

    Anyway, thanks for the laugh! I hope you can pop by my blog sometime to say hi…


  9. Dani Ryan says:

    OMG! I can't even imagine!

    Truthfully, I've done the tissue and paper towel thing. But I try to plan ahead so I don't have to as paper towels ALWAYS block the toilet!!!!


  10. Shiloh says:

    Haha, I'll be honest, I haven't ever gotten that desperate yet, but at least I know there's options.:)
    PS, I love your blog name!


  11. Thanks for visiting, Shiloh! I'm still waiting for the sanity.


  12. lorihokie says:

    oh ack! IMO only tissues are an acceptable replacement. I subscribe to's “subscribe & save” program for toilet paper – we *never* run out.


  13. Tracy says:

    Ahahahahahaha so freakin funny! With three girls in the house – I always stockpile toilet paper! But, I have heard stories of people being forced to use their socks when faced with an empty TP roll in a public facility!
    Tracy @ Momaical


  14. I have only made it down to the Kleenex stage. Usually I have about 10 spare packages of TP waiting in the wings.


  15. Shay Trashay says:

    The pictures were the PERFECT addition to this post! And as I read, I found myself nodding…yup, used it…yup, that too…oh, the old cat-wiping trick. Been there before, too. Hey–I was broke in college. I didn't want to literally throw money down the crapper by spending it on sheot-paper! 🙂 I'm blog hopping from Cloudy with a Chance of Wine. Stop by and see me if you want a snarky laugh today.


  16. Angela Ryan says:

    I have used kleenex before too. We all do what we have to do. 🙂 Blog hopping with Chance of Wine.


  17. Laughing, laughing, laughing (blog hopping from Chance of Wine). Oh, god, laughing some more…


  18. Meredith says:

    This is so funny! My husband is psycho-paranoid about our septic system, so I've have enough tp stocked up in the house for the Apocalypse, but this made me laugh and I admire your family's resourcefulness! I'm stopping by (very belatedly, sorry!) from the Chance of Wine hop as well 🙂


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