Fly Project Day is Finally Here!!!!

Welcome to my version of “Fly.” This is my first community bloggingevent….EVER! I’m not a good “group activity” person. I’m the one who showsup at the wrong time, accidentally poisons other participants, drinks too much spiced eggnog, gets obnoxious and somehow winds up stricken from the membership list. 
So, I’ll just go ahead and say I’m sorry for whatever I might screw up on my end, even though I’m safely behind a laptop screen. 
If your plumbing explodes or your toddler hitchhikes to Minneapolis while you’re reading this, I DIDN’T cause that! It was a coincidence. So quit blaming unrelated crap on me!
 Random photo showing my stance on exercise.
Okay, onto the FLY Project….You’re a fly on the wall of my house, hearing snippets of conversation that have happened throughout the pastyear. Since this is MY blog, you’re a Human Botfly! Number Nine on Squidoo’s mostdangerous insect countdown.
Fly Cast ofCharacters
ME: Angela-easily excitable, under organized wife and momwho still looks kinda’ hot for 38(only to nearsighted botflies)
JAMES: overworked, travelling husband, who longs for arecliner, a remote and a minute’s peace.
ANDREW: 11, sixth grader with shelf full ofbaseball trophies and a super-sized ego.
JACK:  7, first grader, dreams of turning into Andrew someday.
KATIE: 6 months, super destructive, semi-house trainedborder collie mix.
ANAKIN and CALI (sort of like The Professor and Marianne)two minor character felines who hate us and each other.
Phrases Uttered, Announced, or Screamed on a Daily Basis 
“Andrew, I hate you! Mom, can I PLEASE kill him now?”
“Mommmm, Katie peed on the couch.”
“Boys, get off those iThings and come have dinner.”
“Thank God for overdraft protection.”
“Mommmm, Katie peed on the stairs.”
“Seriously, Mom, do we have to eat this?”
“When’s the last time you brushed your teeth?”
“Does anyone know where Katie is? Oh geez, what’s that smell?”
“It’s time for bed. Where the heck is my fish?”
Katie’s Latest Trick-see she really is gifted.
Snippets of Household Insanity
ANDREW: “Mom, can zit cream kill you?”
ME: “WHY?”
ANDREW: “Because I accidentally drank some.”
ME: “Clearasil does look way too much like Gogurt. We should file a complaint before someone gets hurt.”
 Chief Jack and Me

ANDREW to JACK: “Dude, for the LAST time….Michael Oher doesn’tplay for the Baltimore RAISINS!!!!”
JACK TO JAMES: “Dad, do they serve owl meat at Hooters? Thatjust sounds cruel to me. And I don’t think it would taste very good either.”
JACK: “Katie peed in the playroom. Againnnnnnn!”
JAMES: “Why do you see a puddle of pee and automatically blame Katie? Your mother’s been known to not make it to the bathroom a time or two.”
ME: “Not funny!”
JAMES: “Well, don’t be surprised if Katie hires an attorney and sues us for defamation of character.”
ME: “Yeah, she’d say ‘urine’ trouble now! Get it? UR-INE trouble?”
JAMES: “Son, your mother’s trying to be funny again. Let’s not encourage that behavior.”
ANDREW:  (studying achapter about birds of prey) “I’d love to have talons like an eagle. That’d beso cool! But the only shoes I could wear are flip flops. And I guess sockswould NEVER be an option.”
JACK (age 4, examining a package of ground beef): “what’sthis stuff?”
ME: “It’s ground beef.”
JACK: “Is it made from ground up people?”
ME: (shocked) “NO! we don’t grind up people!”
JACK: “Not even the ones who get in trouble?”
 The above photo is proof that men can’t multitask. I’d asked a sleep deprived James to put on a pot of coffee and start the dishwasher. This is what I got. Why, yes, that IS Starbucks House Blend in the soap dispenser. It’s all the dishes will drink now. 
JACK: “ANDREWWWWW!!! You just hit me in the eye with thatNerf bullet!!!”               
ANDREW: “Well, ya know, like the commercial says “resultsmay vary.”
 Andrew even sleeps in those Oakleys.
ANDREW: (examining his new deodorant): “Wouldn’t it be coolif Axe had a nutrition label on it…with sugars, fats and calories and stuff? Imean, you never know when you might be stranded on an island and all you’ve gotto eat is deodorant. It’d be nice to know if it’s fattening.”
JACK: “Mom, do you think the world is ever gonna end?”
ME: “Yeah. The Bible says it is, but no one knows when/”
JACK: “Well, I sure hope it’s after next weekend when Madagascar III comes out. I REALLY wanna see that movie.”
ME: “Let’s check the book of Revelation. Maybe there’s something about Madagascar III in there.”

ANGELA: “Honey, what do you think of the new sheets I bought?”
JAMES: “They’re fine.”
ANGELA: (slightly hurt by the lack luster response) “Just fine?”
JAMES: “They’re perfect! I’m a new man. Now, would you get me a beer?”
ANGELA: “That’s much better.”
Proof that James and I DO have one decent looking photo together. 

Okay….this is the end of my Fly Project. For more household fly-on-the-wall fun, visit these other awesome bloggers. And before you go, leave us a comment with a phrase that’s common in your home… long as it isn’t lewd, lascivious or legally incriminating.                                                                                                                                                    

This entry was posted in 0.0 I don't run sticker, Baking in a Tornado, fly on the wall, human botfly. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Fly Project Day is Finally Here!!!!

  1. HI-LARIOUS! So glad to have found your blog thru this challenge 😉 I hope my peanut grows to be as funny and clever as your two!


  2. I laughed the whole way through, and got to know you a little in the process. Win/win in my book!


  3. DeBie Hive says:

    I am SURE the end of the world will hold off until after the movie comes out. I read it somewhere.


  4. LoL! Loved it!
    Hey, I need your baseball player to help me pick out a bat, mitt, and ball for my son. He claims he wants to learn to play…..could ya just send him here for a weekend? lol


  5. I loved reading about your family. The coffee in your dishwasher is probably something I've done twice on my own! Crossing my fingers that the Rapture waits for Madagascar III. It is a very cute movie 🙂


  6. OMG…I'm still laughing! I love that he thinks Clearasil looks like Gogurt!



  7. Anonymous says:

    Как Вы считаете, на сколько поднимутся [url=]пенсии[/url] после нового года?


  8. I love this! This is my first visit to your blog and I believe there will be more! Are you sure we aren't in some way related? These are stories that could very well be heard at my house. Great puns included.


  9. ROFLMBO!!!!!!! I literally laughed out loud about the coffee in the dishwasher….


  10. Roshni AaMom says:

    LOL!! This is the best line ever: “Dad, do they serve owl meat at Hooters?”

    Don't worry…we find you very funny and will encourage this behavior!! 😛


  11. I cannot stop laughing!! The zit cream…the coffee in the dishwasher…SO FUNNY!!! OMG! All of it!! –Lisa


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