Welcome to my version of “Fly.” This is my first community bloggingevent….EVER! I’m not a good “group activity” person. I’m the one who showsup at the wrong time, accidentally poisons other participants, drinks too much spiced eggnog, gets obnoxious and somehow winds up stricken from the membership list.
So, I’ll just go ahead and say I’m sorry for whatever I might screw up on my end, even though I’m safely behind a laptop screen.
If your plumbing explodes or your toddler hitchhikes to Minneapolis while you’re reading this, I DIDN’T cause that! It was a coincidence. So quit blaming unrelated crap on me!
Random photo showing my stance on exercise.
Okay, onto the FLY Project….You’re a fly on the wall of my house, hearing snippets of conversation that have happened throughout the pastyear. Since this is MY blog, you’re a Human Botfly! Number Nine on Squidoo’s mostdangerous insect countdown.
Fly Cast ofCharacters
ME: Angela-easily excitable, under organized wife and momwho still looks kinda’ hot for 38(only to nearsighted botflies)
JAMES: overworked, travelling husband, who longs for arecliner, a remote and a minute’s peace.
ANDREW: 11, sixth grader with shelf full ofbaseball trophies and a super-sized ego.
JACK: 7, first grader, dreams of turning into Andrew someday.
KATIE: 6 months, super destructive, semi-house trainedborder collie mix.
ANAKIN and CALI (sort of like The Professor and Marianne)two minor character felines who hate us and each other.
Phrases Uttered, Announced, or Screamed on a Daily Basis
“Andrew, I hate you! Mom, can I PLEASE kill him now?”
“Mommmm, Katie peed on the couch.”
“Boys, get off those iThings and come have dinner.”
“Thank God for overdraft protection.”
“Mommmm, Katie peed on the stairs.”
“Seriously, Mom, do we have to eat this?”
“When’s the last time you brushed your teeth?”
“Does anyone know where Katie is? Oh geez, what’s that smell?”
“It’s time for bed. Where the heck is my fish?”
Katie’s Latest Trick-see she really is gifted.
Snippets of Household Insanity
ANDREW: “Mom, can zit cream kill you?”
ANDREW: “Because I accidentally drank some.”
ME: “Clearasil does look way too much like Gogurt. We should file a complaint before someone gets hurt.”
ANDREW to JACK: “Dude, for the LAST time….Michael Oher doesn’tplay for the Baltimore RAISINS!!!!”
JACK TO JAMES: “Dad, do they serve owl meat at Hooters? Thatjust sounds cruel to me. And I don’t think it would taste very good either.”
JACK: “Katie peed in the playroom. Againnnnnnn!”
JAMES: “Why do you see a puddle of pee and automatically blame Katie? Your mother’s been known to not make it to the bathroom a time or two.”
ME: “Not funny!”
JAMES: “Well, don’t be surprised if Katie hires an attorney and sues us for defamation of character.”
ME: “Yeah, she’d say ‘urine’ trouble now! Get it? UR-INE trouble?”
JAMES: “Son, your mother’s trying to be funny again. Let’s not encourage that behavior.”
ANDREW: (studying achapter about birds of prey) “I’d love to have talons like an eagle. That’d beso cool! But the only shoes I could wear are flip flops. And I guess sockswould NEVER be an option.”
JACK (age 4, examining a package of ground beef): “what’sthis stuff?”
ME: “It’s ground beef.”
JACK: “Is it made from ground up people?”
ME: (shocked) “NO! we don’t grind up people!”
JACK: “Not even the ones who get in trouble?”
JACK: “ANDREWWWWW!!! You just hit me in the eye with thatNerf bullet!!!”
ANDREW: “Well, ya know, like the commercial says “resultsmay vary.”
ANDREW: (examining his new deodorant): “Wouldn’t it be coolif Axe had a nutrition label on it…with sugars, fats and calories and stuff? Imean, you never know when you might be stranded on an island and all you’ve gotto eat is deodorant. It’d be nice to know if it’s fattening.”
JACK: “Mom, do you think the world is ever gonna end?”
ME: “Yeah. The Bible says it is, but no one knows when/”
JACK: “Well, I sure hope it’s after next weekend when Madagascar III comes out. I REALLY wanna see that movie.”
ME: “Let’s check the book of Revelation. Maybe there’s something about Madagascar III in there.”
ANGELA: “Honey, what do you think of the new sheets I bought?”
JAMES: “They’re fine.”
ANGELA: (slightly hurt by the lack luster response) “Just fine?”
JAMES: “They’re perfect! I’m a new man. Now, would you get me a beer?”
ANGELA: “That’s much better.”
Proof that James and I DO have one decent looking photo together.
Okay….this is the end of my Fly Project. For more household fly-on-the-wall fun, visit these other awesome bloggers. And before you go, leave us a comment with a phrase that’s common in your home…..as long as it isn’t lewd, lascivious or legally incriminating.