15 Family Traditions For Decorating Your Christmas Tree

So, I took some liberties with the title just to get non-readers to click the link, but hopefully you’ll learn something anyway…..like how unsanitary my mop is.

Jack’s new elf: Yes, he has a whole face. I stay away from the little crapster because I’m pretty sure he’s not just a spy for Santa, but for the IRS too, probably linked to Obama’s Gestapo. 

There really should be a law requiring children to be terribly excited, interested and cooperative about decorating the family Christmas tree each year. That way I could have my boys arrested for their completely uncaring, lackadaisical attitudes about the huge 9 ft conifer that’s now taking up a quarter of the living room, just waiting to create fond memories of family bonding over festive lights and cherished ornaments.

They’re supposed to ooh and ahhhh as James hurls in the Noble fir and spends 45 minutes muttering profanity as he fits the oversized SOB into the stand that we were supposed to replace last year, and the year before that. They’re supposed to dance around with glee and anticipation as I check the colored lights and unpack the ornaments.
Instead I find myself bellowing after I’ve got it half decorated completely by myself, “Andrew! Jack! PUT DOWN THOSE __________________ing game remotes and Get OVER HERE AND HELP ME WITH THIS _________________ing TREE!!!!!!”
This entry was posted in butt nursery, Christmas tree decorating, Elf Magic, Jack Nicholson, noble fir, Pine Sol, The Shining.. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to 15 Family Traditions For Decorating Your Christmas Tree

  1. Wanda says:

    I am so glad you are back and writing with such honesty. I have something to read without having to write and be creative. But worry not dear writer friend, those things are on my list for next year, if we survive the ending of the Mayan world on Dec. 21.


  2. Aw, thanks, Wanda! A true compliment from one of my favorite bloggers. I hope you're doing well.


  3. Kathy Hooks says:

    I have what I consider to be an advanced level of experience in dealing with a dog and her urine but I have to say I absolutely cannot believe I never mopped the kitchen with urine. I can totally see how that could happen.


  4. Rest assured that it's not just your guys. My son couldn't care less about decorating the tree. I bet he wouldn't even notice if we never put a single ornament on it.
    I'm not going to let him see this because I KNOW he would totally try to fart on all of us because he would LOVE that part of your post. Boys!


  5. Thanks so much for the comments. I love so much how blogging helps us relate to others based on untraditional truths such as dog urine and farting boys. Love my blogging friends.


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