Lately I’ve been really trying to focus on living a life of obedience to God…. of choosing to acknowledge and accept His blessings, lessons and opportunities over the comfort and malaise of my everyday “autopilot existence.” For example, when I pray to God on Tuesday that I’ll have the discipline to get up an hour early to get some writing done on Wednesday, I’d better NOT have the audacity to try and go back to sleep when I’m suddenly and inexplicably wide awake at 5:04.(God, did I really pray that? I mean the sun’s not even up yet and I don’t hear any roosters. Of course none live nearby.)
Sometimes I like to jot down lessons that I’ve learned in life so that I won’t forget them, and to share that wisdom with my readers.
Lesson One: Obedience to God is at least 92-percent easier with coffee….unless, of course, you have some strange and tragic allergy to coffee. Then it could potentially kill you. (Disclaimer: Obedience to God is easier with coffee FOR ME. I can’t run the risk of getting sued by some coffee-sensitive moron who falls into anaphylactic shock because of reading this post. This is also true for those allergic to corn, shellfish, dairy, peanuts, cats, latex and Russians…..Why are we suddenly talking about Russians? How do my blog posts get so off topic, so fast?)
Lesson Two: And speaking of roosters (see paragraph one), unless you’re a farmer, enjoy loud, startling noises or have no alarm clock, you should NEVER live near one. This, I’m quite sure of. For a torturous eight months of my college career, I resided within a block of a Rhode Island Red. I have no idea why he lived in the city limits of Milledgeville. Perhaps he was also working toward a degree; although I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in journalism, or else we’d have had at least one class together. It was a small department.
Way back in my toddler days, I learned that roosters crow at sunrise. The rooster in my Fisher Price farm set seemed regal and important as he managed the heartbeat of the farm with his innate sense of timing.
It’s weird how grownups are obsessed with teaching babies and toddlers about farm animals. “What does the cow say? What does the donkey say?” Why is that so important to know? I would’ve benefited much more from learning to identify sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness.
We have all these farm toys, puzzles, board books and that Fisher-Price farm animal Roulette wheel all geared toward teaching these sounds. How often does the average baby need to converse with a sheep? And don’t even get me started on how we insist on singing “Old McDonald had a Farm” as if it’s the national anthem of babyhood.
How many of us as adults have gone back to thank our parents for teaching us those things? “Mom, Dad, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you instilling those farm animal sounds in me. Knowing what a “horsey says” has really given me a competitive edge in so many areas.“ Just think if we started Spanish that early? I think it might be a tad more useful.
I’ve gone on yet another tangent. Sorry. Lesson Two was supposed to be about how you should never live near a rooster because they don’t crow just once to announce the day’s beginning, but are a perpetual snooze alarm, from dawn until high noon. If you’re trying to get some sleep after working a late shift or just being out all night doing stupid things that seem very logical at the time with equally stupid friends, that relentless crowing every nine minutes will drive you into a purgatory of sleep depravation madness.
I think that just like Megan’s Law, the online database that allows us to see if any child predators live in our neighborhoods, there should also be a site pointing out all the addresses of roosters. You DON’T want to fall in love with a dream home in the perfect neighborhood, the right school district, with access to great shopping, etc, only to learn painfully and abruptly on day one, at 6:10 am that, like-it-or-not, you’re now a morning person. Might as well buy a cow and get a paper route.
I wonder how many real estate professionals find it even remotely important to disclose rooster locations to families in the housing market. James and I have already met with two realtors this week and would you believe that neither have even mentioned them? I think “ROOSTER FREE NEIGHBORHOOD” should be one of the first bullet points on our home’s listing flyer. And I’m going to make sure it gets printed on there.
Great! It’s now 8:07. In all my distraction, getting the boys ready for school, and going on tangents to nowhere, I’ve completely forgotten the point of this post…and sadly covered only two life lessons. I have to get ready for work now.
I’ll continue to pray for God’s writing wake up call, and hopefully have more pearls of wisdom for you tomorrow. Geez, as I look back over that sentence, I’m thinking, maybe I DO need a rooster. Just think of all the writing I could get done. Now that’s irony.
As always, thanks so much for reading my rantings.