Hello Debit/Credit Card Reader Machine at Walmart,
On the surface you appear helpful and proactive asking if I’d like cash back on my purchase of a $3.57 package of printer paper.
Why yes, I’d like that very much. A whole bathtub of cash to roll around in. Freshly printed fifties and hundreds, please.
You might as well have asked if I’d like a vacation home on Jupiter. Or if I’d like Israel and Palestine to become BFF’s. Or if I’d like my boys to start ringing the toilet…because those are all just as likely as me getting “cash back.” And I’m pretty sure you already knew that since I just entered my PIN!
Go ahead, Mr. Smart A$$, rub it in that I’ve only got $6.32 left in my checking account after having to replace James’ office printer paper because I binged on free Pinterest printables. I may not be making money right now. But I’m writing and getting published and will one day have something to show for it. And I have a husband who is more generous with his money than his printer paper.
Why am I bothering to explain this? It’s not like you care. I bet you’re the type of machine that asks heavyset women when their babies are due. And you probably ask black people if you can touch their hair. And when a mom with kids who don’t resemble each other comes to your register…lemme guess….you ask if the baby daddies are still in the picture. Yeah, I thought so. Because that’s just the kind of insensitive prick you are.
I’m going to take my paper and move along now. Because it’s obvious that you just can’t wait to ask the American Indian behind me if he’s an alcoholic.