Chrysanthemums and God…An Atheist’s Perspective

I love fall. I’m a sucker for the changing leaves, the first chill in the air, hot apple cider, Halloween, corn mazes, college football, hay rides and pumpkins.

And then there are chrysanthemums…the official flowers of fall.

I must confess that chrysanthemums threaten me, assaulting my confidence as a gardener. Their voluptuous blooms of gold and purple and deep red flirt with me from the garden center aisles at Lowe’s, offering to bring stunning fall beauty to my front porch for just $3.97 a pot.

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I take the bait, filling my cart with mums. And as soon as we get home, their colors already seem faded; their petals, slightly depressed. What happened in the backseat during our three minute car ride?

The next day, they’re starting to wither and turn brown. What did I do wrong?

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By the weekend, all resuscitation efforts are in vain. My sad mums receive a pauper’s burial in the yard clippings bin.

Across the street, the Hennesseys’ chrysanthemums have been blooming like over-sized pots of sunshine for a month now. And across the globe, millions of average people without advanced college degrees or master gardener certifications drop a few mums into the ground, sprinkle them with water and the darn things come back bigger and more colorful every year. I start to doubt my competence as a human being.

All these happy fall flowers, brightening porches here and yonder cause me to feel a bitter contempt toward everyone who enjoys them. I wish I never had to look at another chrysanthemum!

It’s sort of ironic how legions of “free thinkers,” like the American Humanists and Freedom from Religion Foundation feel similarly threatened by God and those of us who worship Him as our creator. This insecurity is the reason they go to such extensive lengths to have any and all mentions of religion removed from everything they can. God gives the intellectual nonbeliever ulcers of frustration because He isn’t a concept that can be wrapped up neatly inside a scientific equation. The laws of matter and physics fall short. What a blow to one’s inflated ego to have to admit that there is something that cannot be mastered by genius.

So, rather than live and let live, punitive atheists want to push believers as far out of their sight as possible, essentially robbing us of our religious rights. Because they shouldn’t have to be exposed to anything that makes them uncomfortable.

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Since hatred masked as denial seems to be working for the “free thinkers,” I’ve decided to stop believing in chrysanthemums. I can’t master them. Therefore they simply don’t exist. Tomorrow, I’ll be filing a lawsuit with the ACLU to have any evidence of chrysanthemums erased from all government buildings, classrooms, textbooks, parks, veterans’ cemeteries, highway medians and public broadcast stations. I’ll do interviews with liberal news outlets nationwide to explain how my right to healthy self-esteem is violated every time I lay eyes on the offending flowers.

I’ll meet others who feel equally violated and marginalized by mums. We’ll join together and make lots of noise, recruiting any easily led followers who will preach our cause. We’ll hire sleazy, media-hungry attorneys who make their livings by contorting the Constitution.

Eventually, the weak-spined U.S. government will cave in to our demands. Millions of law-abiding Americans will obediently dig up and toss out their mums because someone told them it was the sensitive, politically correct thing to do. Stores caught selling them will be put out of business by protesters spewing hate in the name of tolerance. When our mission is accomplished, the word chrysanthemum will exist only in history books.

Some people will say that my freedom-from-chrysanthemums cause is unfair. But they’re wrong. Because in a free country like America, it’s my right to never be exposed to anything that makes me the least bit uncomfortable…regardless of how everyone else feels.

 

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About angelaweight

Awkward, imperfect, ADD wife to tightly wound financial planner, mom of two boys, and rescuer of lucky stray animals. I should probably see a therapist rather than write a blog. But hopefully I can offer a few laughs along the way.
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14 Responses to Chrysanthemums and God…An Atheist’s Perspective

  1. staciafern says:

    Absolutely!! What’s good for the Goose is good for the Gander! And in the same vein, I will now stop believing in home rolled pie crusts. The end. that’s it! 🙂
    Halloween is only a few short days away. Get into the spirit with the latest SPOOKY The Huffington Post blog!… http://fb.me/1noW0uopx

    Like

  2. kimtb says:

    can I give up on high heels?

    Like

  3. angelaweight says:

    We should make a long list of things not to believe in anymore.

    Like

  4. angelaweight says:

    I’m also giving up on trying to figure out why other people can’t comment on this. Why am I getting a message that says this site is untrustworthy?

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  5. Carolann says:

    Great point and post. I think we all need to be more tolerant of each other’s belief systems. The world has gone nuts! That’s how it seems as of late. On that note, my mums always do terrible too. I water them give them sunlight and love and they still crap out. I buy them anyway because for that one glorious day or two – they make me smile and look amazing!

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  6. loisaltermark says:

    I think it’s up to each person to believe whatever is right for them. There’s a difference between being exposed to someone’s belief and being forced to live by it. Someone’s belief in God — or the lack of — is very personal, which is why there is a separation of church and state. Religion has no place in the government.

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  7. Gil Gillis says:

    Very good analogy. I have a yard guy. His lawn mower cuts my Chrysanthemums and they keep coming back. Can’t get rid of them. Or God.

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  8. angelaweight says:

    I love your comment, Gil. You’re so funny and spot-on clever. No getting rid of God, regardless of how hard the atheists try.

    Like

  9. Love where this post went. When I read the title, I didn’t know how you were going to tie it in. This is great! I recently went to a required “harassment” training at my work and was lectured on how it’s bad to speak of your religion. But, it’s okay to bash Christianity, just not share it. I share your frustration.

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  10. angelaweight says:

    Thanks so much for your support. Hearing things like your work training story make me nauseous. What a sickening double standard.

    Like

  11. Tom says:

    Kind of an interesting commentary on the “Beware of Dogma” bill board. Dogma is a “statement of beliefs.” The statement, “beware of dogma” is a statement of FFR belief. The bill board is say to beware of the billboard message. Somehow they thought it was intelligent.

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  12. angelaweight says:

    I know. Isnt that funny? I thought it would go nicely beside the photo of Richard Dawkins’ bus banner with the dogma, “there is no God.” They don’t even realize they’re being hypocritical.

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  13. bumbul says:

    Our country was founded on the understanding that individuals have the right, the duty, to worship their Creator with full freedom of conscience, and that government is a separate obligation from that prior one. It is not any of government’s business to encroach on that obligation in any way. It is a violation of that principle for government to endorse religion in any manner.

    The issue is not about being offended by “God”, it’s about taking due exception to government weighing into your private matters of conscience.

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  14. angelaweight says:

    When that “understanding” takes away people’s rights to say “bless you” when someone sneezed in a classroom, then we have a real problem.

    Like

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