After jumping through four dozen formatting hoops so that the Sith lords at Amazon would approve my ebook for publishing…and then thrice confirming that I am the author….and then crossing my fingers and toes…and praying for no more obstacles to my book’s release, the following email arrived this morning.
Thanks for using Amazon KDP. During our review, we found that the contributor(s) listed for the following book(s) is misleading to our customers:
Just Kidding (not really) by Weight, Angela (AUTHOR) – Contributors contain these misleading keyword(s): weight
Contributors are the people involved in creating your book, including authors, editors, illustrators, translators, and any others who assisted with your book’s creation. Pen names are acceptable as contributor names as long as they are not misleading to our customers.
Please edit the contributor(s) of your book and all affected books in your catalog.
Kindle Direct Publishing
WHAT??? Are you kidding? Weight isn’t a pen name!!! And I’m not in love with it either, but it came free with my marriage. And it’s not like an outfit I can go home and change for a better one that meets the dress code.
Nowhere does the email say “if this really is your last name, then please confirm that you’re not trying to mislead buyers seeking books on weight management.”
Of course not. It just tells me to correct my name…like I accidentally typed Weight when I meant Wright or White.
Well, Amazon, what if my last name was White? Wouldn’t that be misleading to those wanting to read about white stuff? Or if I used my maiden name Hall…Wouldn’t “Hall” mislead those looking for books about corridors? Did you give Stephen King this much grief about his last name misleading those studying monarchies?
I did send Amazon a response explaining that Weight really is my legal last name. They replied by sending the exact same email again. Their way of saying “We’re not playing around! Lose Weight or don’t get published!”
Now what? I guess if I have to choose a new last name, I might as well jump to the best real estate in the alphabet….an A name. No more standing at the back of the line.
And how do I break this to my husband?
“Hey, Honey, if you start seeing mail addressed to Angela Aardvark…that’s my new name. It becomes legal on the 5th. I do still love you and want to be your wife, though.”
Shoot!!! On second thought, Amazon would probably say that Aardvark is misleading to people researching nocturnal, burrowing termite eaters. Surely that isn’t a big target audience.
Maybe I’ll write them another email threatening to sue because I’m studying the Amazon rain forest and felt that the name they chose for their site….AMAZON is misleading.
Until I get all this worked out, please send in your new last name suggestions. I might even make it a reader contest.