WARNING: If you get offended easily, just want to skip this one. No need to comment. No need to Tweet. I won’t be offended. According to Ancestry.com I’m part Polish myself and I’ve had Polish friends and no one ever got upset about Polish jokes.🙂
Last night Andrew told me a joke I’ve heard a million times. The one about the one-armed Polock on the flagpole.
(In case you didn’t grow up in a family that enjoyed ridiculing Polish people) How do you get a one-armed Polock down from a flag pole?
You wave at him. (Cue the laughter.)
Not a bad joke, but I think there are bigger questions here.
1) How did the one-armed Polock get up on the flag pole? The joke doesn’t mention a ladder.
2) And why was he up there? It’s not like we regularly see people on top of flagpoles regardless of their nationality or number of limbs.
Here are a few other questions I’ve never gotten satisfactory answers to….
As a child reading Humpty Dumpty with my mom, I could never get past the question of why an egg was sitting atop a steep wall in the first place. I bet all the king’s horses and men were like “that fragile idiot obviously had a death wish. Now you want us to try to fix him?” Clearly, the king was a liberal democrat.
I attribute my nervous disposition to one of my earliest toys, a brightly colored, metal Jack-in-the-box. As you wound the handle, a song would play….
“Round and round the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel. Round and round the mulberry bush…POP goes the weasel.”
Having a scary puppet abruptly shoot out of the box up into my face caused a lifelong fear of receiving packages. (No doubt, I’d have been a perfect target for Ted Kaczynski.**) But a bigger question was from the song itself. What, exactly did “Pop goes the weasel” mean? Did the weasel explode?
I picture a British chap taking a leisurely lunch in the park when he caught site of the entertaining mulberry bush chase. I bet he and the monkey were both speechless when the weasel detonated right in front of them.Maybe the weasel was a suicide bomber. I wonder if the guy first wrote it as a news story, but then decided the whole thing should be set to music.
And then there’s the nursery rhyme about the Muffin Man.
Do you know the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man? Do you know the Muffin Man who lives on Drury Lane?
I bet songs like this were how local folks recognized pedophiles before the National Sex Offender Registry. It was a catchy little tune and everyone knew to stay the heck away from Drury Lane. Just imagine how long that song would be today if we listed all of them.
And my next question. People are always saying things like “We had problems/phone calls/chickens (whatever) out the wazoo.” What is a wazoo? Based on the context, I can assume that it has a large opening.***
Please tell me that you ponder things like this also.
* I just Googled one-armed Polock to check the spelling since Polock isn’t a word I regularly use. The whole first page contained results for “one-armed pole dancer.” So I clicked one of the links.
Not only did Australian athlete, Deborah Roach win the title of “World Pole Dancing Champion,” but she did it with one arm! See for yourself.
That’s pretty amazing and impressive. Makes me feel like an underachiever. I kind of resent Deborah Roach for causing me to focus on my lack of accomplishments. But I’m sure she didn’t do it just to make me feel like a loser.
As my old friend and mentor Janet used to say, “Angela, quit thinking about yourself! Everything’s not about you! Stop being so preoccupied with what other people think of you. You wouldn’t worry so much about that if you only knew how infrequently they do think about you…because they’re all worried about what everyone else is thinking about them!”
That’s so true. Janet was brilliant. She moved to Fresno and we lost touch. She’s the only person I’ve ever met who was looking forward to moving to Fresno.
**Based on his last name, I bet Ted Kascynski is Polish. Could all the insensitive jokes about his nationality have caused him to become the Unibomber? I wonder if his defense attorney thought of this scenario.
***I just looked up wazoo. It means anus. Was that obvious to everyone but me?
If you enjoyed this essay and would like to read more like it, click here to download my new book for your Kindle device or Kindle app on your Smartphone. (I’m still waiting on Barnes and Noble Nook.)