Questions about Life, Nursery Rhymes and Pole Dancing

WARNING: If you get offended easily, just want to skip this one. No need to comment. No need to Tweet. I won’t be offended. According to Ancestry.com I’m part Polish myself and I’ve had Polish friends and no one ever got upset about Polish jokes.๐Ÿ™‚

Last night Andrew told me a joke I’ve heard a million times. The one about the one-armed Polock on the flagpole.

IMG_5250

Andrew and me. Probably after I told him a joke.

(In case you didn’t grow up in a family that enjoyed ridiculing Polish people) How do you get a one-armed Polock down from a flag pole?

You wave at him. (Cue the laughter.)

Not a bad joke, but I think there are bigger questions here.

1) How did the one-armed Polock get up on the flag pole? The joke doesn’t mention a ladder.

2) And why was he up there? It’s not like we regularly see people on top of flagpoles regardless of their nationality or number of limbs.

Here are a few other questions I’ve never gotten satisfactory answers to….

As a child reading Humpty Dumpty with my mom, I could never get past the question of why an egg was sitting atop a steep wall in the first place. I bet all the king’s horses and men were like “that fragile idiot obviously had a death wish. Now you want us to try to fix him?” Clearly, the king was a liberal democrat.

I attribute my nervous disposition to one of my earliest toys, a brightly colored, metal Jack-in-the-box. As you wound the handle, a song would play….

“Round and round the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel. Round and round the mulberry bush…POP goes the weasel.”

Having a scary puppet abruptly shoot out of the box up into my face caused a lifelong fear of receiving packages. (No doubt, I’d have been a perfect target for Ted Kaczynski.**) But a bigger question was from the song itself. What, exactly did “Pop goes the weasel” mean? Did the weasel explode?

I picture a British chap taking a leisurely lunch in the park when he caught site of the entertaining mulberry bush chase. I bet he and the monkey were both speechless when the weasel detonated right in front of them.Maybe the weasel was a suicide bomber. I wonder if the guy first wrote it as a news story, but then decided the whole thing should be set to music.

And then there’s the nursery rhyme about the Muffin Man.

Do you know the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man? Do you know the Muffin Man who lives on Drury Lane?

I bet songs like this were how local folks recognized pedophiles before the National Sex Offender Registry. It was a catchy little tune and everyone knew to stay the heck away from Drury Lane. Just imagine how long that song would be today if we listed all of them.

And my next question. People are always saying things like “We had problems/phone calls/chickens (whatever) out the wazoo.” What is a wazoo? Based on the context, I can assume that it has a large opening.***

Please tell me that you ponder things like this also.

* I just Googled one-armed Polock to check the spelling since Polock isn’t a word I regularly use. The whole first page contained results for “one-armed pole dancer.” So I clicked one of the links.

Not only did Australian athlete, Deborah Roach win the title of “World Pole Dancing Champion,” but she did it with one arm! See for yourself.ย 

That’s pretty amazing and impressive.ย Makes me feel like an underachiever. I kind of resent Deborah Roach for causing me to focus on my lack of accomplishments. But I’m sure she didn’t do it just to make me feel like a loser.

As my old friend and mentor Janet used to say, “Angela, quit thinking about yourself! Everything’s not about you! Stop being so preoccupied with what other people think of you. You wouldn’t worry so much about that if you only knew how infrequently they do think about you…because they’re all worried about what everyone else is thinking about them!”

That’s so true. Janet was brilliant. She moved to Fresno and we lost touch. She’s the only person I’ve ever met who was looking forward to moving to Fresno.

**Based on his last name, I bet Ted Kascynski is Polish. Could all the insensitive jokes about his nationality have caused him to become the Unibomber? I wonder if his defense attorney thought of this scenario.

***I just looked up wazoo. It means anus. Was that obvious to everyone but me?

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If you enjoyed this essay and would like to read more like it, click here to download my new book for your Kindle device or Kindle app on your Smartphone. (I’m still waiting on Barnes and Noble Nook.)

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About angelaweight

Awkward, imperfect, ADD wife to tightly wound financial planner, mom of two boys, and rescuer of lucky stray animals. I should probably see a therapist rather than write a blog. But hopefully I can offer a few laughs along the way.
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9 Responses to Questions about Life, Nursery Rhymes and Pole Dancing

  1. Kara says:

    Well…now that I know about the pole dancing how will I explain this to my husband…his “only” job was to keep his daughters “off the pole”!

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  2. Gil Gillis says:

    Funny stuff!

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  3. You know what’s really weird? We all think Humpty Dumpty was an egg…. but it doesn’t mention that in the whole rhyme!

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  4. angelaweight says:

    Liz, that is so weird. You’re right! I wonder how the illustrations of an egg came up. Did whoever wrote Humpty Dumpty also draw the pic? I’m going to spend way too much time thinking about this. ๐Ÿ˜Š

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  5. Nope, i never googled Polock because my male BFF is Polish and to them it’s like the N word. so i don’t use it.

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  6. angelaweight says:

    So crazy, Carol. I’ve had several Polish friends of my own and they’ve all laughed about the word and just rolled their eyes. We tend to not take things as seriously and are able to just laugh and let it roll off. Also, ironic, you mention the “n” word. I don’t use it either, but African Americans use it all the time on each other.

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  7. Well, that just ruined Nursery Rhymes for me, LOL!

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  8. Oh, geez. Jack in the Box toys scared the hell out of me as a kid. Then my daughters and now my grandsons. But it’s so funny to watch the littlest ones start then scream when out he pops! ๐Ÿ˜›

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  9. Darlene Daniel says:

    I am sure that Teddy boy did his dirty work all because of insensitive Polock jokes. There are a lot of nursery rhymes that are freaky, what about Miss Muffett and that spider, I hate spiders. What about Jack Spratt and his wife? How would you like to be the one that got all the fat? Hey Diddle Diddle just makes no sense. By the way, yes, you pretty much would be the only one who did not know what wazoo meant. Funny reading, loved it, but then I always do!

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