What to do About Buster Posey Bullying Bob and Martha

YESTERDAY MORNING:

ME: “It’s too bad there’s not a Humane Society for fish.”

JACK: “Yeah, for all those stray fish we see on the side of the road.”

(Jack can be so sarcastic. I wonder where he gets it.)

I’ve never thought about where you take a pet fish that doesn’t play well with his tank mates before. But it’s a real problem. One that I’m having right now.

IMG_1133This is Buster Posey. He’s a lovely cobra guppy. Just look at that tail. I try not to compliment him often because he’s terribly vain and says rude things to the other fish, pointing out their uneven fins and crossed eyes and such.

Superficial insults aren’t his only offense. Buster Posey constantly stalks Evan Longoria and Mad Bum, nipping at their tails. And he’s just awful to our platies, Bob and Martha.* (Just last night, he appeared to be violating Bob in a men’s prison sort of way.)

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Evan Longoria and Mad Bum. They’re not very photogenic.

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Bob and Martha. Poor guy is heading for the safe haven of the tiki head in this photo.

My attempts at counseling Buster Posey about his behavior and even putting him in the time out net, have had no effect. He’s gotten worse, if anything. Bob, undoubtedly traumatized, has taken to hiding in the crocodile skull most of the day.

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I called Petco to see if I could exchange Buster for a more placid fish, maybe a Brandon Crawford or a Gregor Blanco. But, without a receipt, it wasn’t an option.

The thought of flushing Buster Posey down the toilet or feeding him to my cat seems so vile. I wish I could find a new home for him, perhaps a nice foster family that has experience working with fish who have behavior issues. But where does one find a fish foster family?  I wonder if DFCS would know.

So it continues. Every time I walk into the kitchen, Buster Posey is chasing Bob around the tank until the poor defeated platy swims repeatedly into the glass. He’s going to wind up with broken facial bones and I really don’t need a vet bill right now. I wonder what Dr. Morris would say if I brought in an inch long fish with a possible concussion.

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This is Eddie. NO ONE messes with Eddie.

UPDATE:

This morning, I finally had enough and flushed Buster Posey down the toilet in the hall bathroom. My lack of emotion and nonchalant attitude about the whole thing is a little scary. I don’t know what I’m capable of anymore.

When Jack came down for breakfast, I made a big production of looking for Buster Posey like I’d just noticed he was missing. “Oh well, I guess he ran away.”

That makes me a murderer and a liar.

FOOTNOTE:

*Bob’s first wife, Laura, died of complications from pregnancy, according to Dustin, the Petco aquarium attendant who always smells like pot. Jack and I had taken her body in for an autopsy. It’s not a service they normally provide.

After a proper two-week mourning period, we purchased a new spouse for Bob and named her Martha, after James’ human cousin and his wife. I mean, who wouldn’t want the honor of having a $1.29 freshwater aquarium fish named after them?

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The real Bob and Martha. They’re very nice. Nothing fishy about them.

f you’d like to read more essays like this one, click here to download my new ebook for your Amazon Kindle or Kindle app on your smart phone. 60 laugh out loud essays for only $2.99.

angela book cover

But wait! There’s more!

Okay, there’s really not more. I just always wanted to say that.

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About angelaweight

Awkward, imperfect, ADD wife to tightly wound financial planner, mom of two boys, and rescuer of lucky stray animals. I should probably see a therapist rather than write a blog. But hopefully I can offer a few laughs along the way.
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14 Responses to What to do About Buster Posey Bullying Bob and Martha

  1. mrsmuffintop says:

    This was hilarious!!! Love your sense of humor!

    Like

  2. triciathegoodmama says:

    haha This was too funny!

    Like

  3. angelaweight says:

    Thanks, Tricia!

    Like

  4. Cherie says:

    Wish I could get the guts to flush the last two remaining feeder fish in our turtle tank that have grown way to big to feed a turtle! I may need your help! Love your stuff!

    Like

  5. We had some fancy guppies and some Mickey Mouse platys. The guppies didn’t survive the ammonia spike we had in our water, but the platys did. The mean fish we had was a Chinese algae eater. The pet store offered to take him back, but when I took him in they told me he was too small to be the bully I had thought he was. That’s what led to finding out our ammonia levels were high. The algae eater, unfortunately, died shortly after the ammonia levels were fixed. I think he starved because I cleaned the tank to well. So…I guess I am guilty of pescacide!

    Like

  6. angelaweight says:

    Oh no!!!! I hope you didn’t beat yourself up with guilt. I cleaned our tank and killed four neons because I left them in the spare, unheated tank too long. Fish aren’t nearly as low maintenance than I’d thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. angelaweight says:

    Thanks, Cherie!!! I know it puts you in a weird position when they get too big or too mean.

    Like

  8. I had a fun fair goldfish for ten years. He got huge. He would put his mouth out of the water when I went to feed him. He moved with us a few times. Then, we moved, and I took too long to set up his home. He was in a bucket. He couldn’t get enough oxygen. He was still, barely alive when I put him in the aquarium, but he didn’t make it. I still feel bad.

    Then, the tiny Russian Hamsters. . . I want more of them.

    It is too bad we can’t channel our grief more appropriately.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. angelaweight says:

    Oh no!!!! I’m so sorry about your poor goldfish. Now I feel worse for him than my own dead guppy. We should start a support group.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. peopledonteatenoughfudge says:

    Can I join the group? I’m still traumatised by something that happened when I was about 8. My sister had been given this huge pink fish – incredibly ugly MoFo with big lips. I was helping her clean the tank and we had it in a bowl on the floor. A radio fell off the top of the wardrobe and caught the edge of the bowl sending water and the fish flying. Because the carpet had a rose patten on it we couldn’t see the bloody fish. I was on my hands and knees searching the floor and I KNELT ON IT!!! It’s ok though, I didn’t kill it – we put it back in the tank where it swam around quite happily (although admittedly up side down) for several days before dying of natural causes …

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Carolann says:

    LOL that poor fish although he was a bully and we all know how we feel about bullies. Hysterical…thanks for the early morning chuckle!

    Like

  12. angelaweight says:

    Sarah, you poor thing. I think you could benefit from a fish (almost killing) support group. I had no idea there was such a need for it. All this grief that people have been carrying around for years. So sad.

    Like

  13. angelaweight says:

    I know, Carolann, I felt really bad to have to do it. I’d have totally given him away if I could’ve. I hope my family doesn’t do that to me when I’m old and inconvenient. “Well, we promised we’d never send her to a nursing home, so I guess we’ll just kill her.” Depending on my condition, I might be okay with it. (How did I get so off topic?)

    Liked by 1 person

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