Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 15 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.
These are all 100% genuine quotes and thoughts from my family over the past month or so.
File Under Toilet Humor:
walking to school the other day
JACK: “Ya know I never go poo at school.”
ME: (grappling with the new topic that seems to have come out of nowhere) “Why not?”
JACK: “Because the toilet paper is really bad quality. It doesn’t even have little flowers printed on it!”
while shopping at Walmart
ANDREW: “It’s funny, you see all these people at tables offering samples of crackers and stuff. I wonder what customers would say if we set up a table near the restrooms and asked people to try a sample of toilet paper while they were in there.”
ME: “And then, when they came out, we’d ask them to rate their experience with it.”
ME: (buying oranges) “Maybe I’ll make some ambrosia.”
JACK: “Ambrosia! I thought that was a disease.”
after school yesterday
ME: “Jack are you still in the bathroom?”
JACK: “Yeah, but I’m doing my homework.”
ME: “They should print warnings on Life Cereal that it gives you terrible smelling gas.”
ANDREW: “Mom, we’re out of O’s. Will you get some more next time you go to Walmart?”
ME: “Does it give you gas?”
ANDREW: “I don’t think so.”
ME: “Then sure.”
JACK: “Don’t you hate it when you fart and then go stand somewhere else to get away from the smell. And then you realize it followed you?”
ME: “Yeah, I do.”
File Under Angela’s Strange Thoughts
We’re thankful everyday that Jesus Christ is our savior and messiah. But what I really want to know is what kind of carpenter he was. Was he highly sought after by wealthy Pharisees? Or was he more of a day laborer, subcontractor just picking up odd jobs when needed?
And how did performing miracles affect his building career?
“Well, it looks like Jesus Christ won’t be available to do our bathroom remodel until August. Ever since he cured that boy’s leprosy, he’s booked solid.”
“Wow, that’s a really cool trick you did, turning the water into wine, Jesus. How bout you turn these burnt orange Formica countertops into granite.”
I wonder if Jesus’ clients’ home values increased after he was crucified and rose from the dead?
“Honey, in the real estate flyer, be sure to say that the back deck and gazebo were built by Jesus Christ.”
(I mean absolutely no disrespect but surely others have had similar thoughts.)
Sometimes we have pizza for dinner
When I pick up my pizza order from Papa John’s, they always have to open the box and show it to me. And I never know how I’m supposed to respond.
“Yep, that’s definitely a pizza in there. Mission accomplished!”
“Well, I’ll just be damned! You boys have really outdone yourselves this time! I’ll be sure to call the 800 number and happily complete the survey.”
“It’s so beautiful. I wish I could frame it.”
Pretty much every day of my life
“Are your baseball pants clean?”
“What time is practice?”
“When is practice over?”
“How are we going to squeeze dinner in between practices?”
“Another tournament in Yorktown!”
“Another tournament in Mechanicsville!”
ME: “Someone or something keeps killing moles in the front yard and eating only half of them.”
JAMES: “Well, it’s not me.”
ME: “I was suspecting one of the cats, but thanks for clearing your name.”
ANDREW: “Can you move the vehicles so we can play basketball?”
ME: (grumbling) “I can’t believe we used to take ample driveway space for granted at the old house.”
I had a parenting epiphany yesterday. (Sounds like a mess, doesn’t it…like “I had an epiphany all over the carpet.”…sorry)
Anyway, It occurred to me that you have to yell at your kids occasionally…or at least be really stern, and get in their faces… so they’ll take you seriously. Parents who are always nice and don’t realize that they’re the boss, wind up having kids who have no manners and treat them like doormats.
I never thought about it in that context before. On the occasions that I’ve yelled or barked at Andrew and Jack, it was because I was mad. And when I get angry, yelling comes naturally.
I didn’t plan it out, thinking, “maybe I should yell here so the boys will take me seriously and know that I’m the boss. Ok, here I go. I’ll start yelling now for their own good.”
But I’m glad that I’ve gotten mad and put them in their places when it was necessary, because I have really awesome, well-behaved boys, who know their limits, respect adults and refuse to allow themselves to be disrespected by others.
That’s kind of a good thing that happened quite by accident. Sometimes, amid all the parenting guilt, you realize that you did something well without even planning it that way.
(Does that even remotely make sense?)
That’s all I’ve got for this Fly on the Wall. Buzz around a few other bloggers’ posts and see what’s happening at their houses.
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home
http://www.menopausalmom.com/ Menopausal Mother
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com Battered Hope
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty
http://themomisodes.com The Momisodes
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius
http://gndisney.wordpress.com Disneyland in Kentucky
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
http://www.angelaweight.com Sanity Waiting to Happen
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.juiceboxconfession.com Juicebox Confession