If You were a Fly on the Wall in My Life

Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 15 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.

These are all 100% genuine quotes and thoughts from my family over the past month or so.

File Under Toilet Humor:

walking to school the other day

JACK: “Ya know I never go poo at school.”

ME: (grappling with the new topic that seems to have come out of nowhere) “Why not?”

JACK: “Because the toilet paper is really bad quality. It doesn’t even have little flowers printed on it!”


while shopping at Walmart

ANDREW: “It’s funny, you see all these people at tables offering samples of crackers and stuff. I wonder what customers would say if we set up a table near the restrooms and asked people to try a sample of toilet paper while they were in there.”

ME: “And then, when they came out, we’d ask them to rate their experience with it.”

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ME: (buying oranges) “Maybe I’ll make some ambrosia.”

JACK: “Ambrosia! I thought that was a disease.”


after school yesterday

ME: “Jack are you still in the bathroom?”

JACK: “Yeah, but I’m doing my homework.”


ME: “They should print warnings on Life Cereal that it gives you terrible smelling gas.”

ANDREW: “Mom, we’re out of O’s. Will you get some more next time you go to Walmart?”

ME: “Does it give you gas?”

ANDREW: “I don’t think so.”

ME: “Then sure.”

 QuakerLifeRegular


JACK: “Don’t you hate it when you fart and then go stand somewhere else to get away from the smell. And then you realize it followed you?”

ME: “Yeah, I do.”


File Under Angela’s Strange Thoughts

easter selfie

Easter Sunday Selfie

Easter Sunday

We’re thankful everyday that Jesus Christ is our savior and messiah. But what I really want to know is what kind of carpenter he was. Was he highly sought after by wealthy Pharisees? Or was he more of a day laborer, subcontractor just picking up odd jobs when needed?

And how did performing miracles affect his building career?

“Well, it looks like Jesus Christ won’t be available to do our bathroom remodel until August. Ever since he cured that boy’s leprosy, he’s booked solid.”

“Wow, that’s a really cool trick you did, turning the water into wine, Jesus. How bout you turn these burnt orange Formica countertops into granite.”

I wonder if Jesus’ clients’ home values increased after he was crucified and rose from the dead?

“Honey, in the real estate flyer, be sure to say that the back deck and gazebo were built by Jesus Christ.”

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This photo came up when I Googled “Jesus Carpentry.” I’m pretty sure it’s not authentic.

(I mean absolutely no disrespect but surely others have had similar thoughts.)


Sometimes we have pizza for dinner

When I pick up my pizza order from Papa John’s, they always have to open the box and show it to me. And I never know how I’m supposed to respond.

“Yep, that’s definitely a pizza in there. Mission accomplished!”

“Well, I’ll just be damned! You boys have really outdone yourselves this time! I’ll be sure to call the 800 number and happily complete the survey.”

“It’s so beautiful. I wish I could frame it.”

papa johns


IMG_1752rattlers

Kids’ Baseball

Pretty much every day of my life

“Are your baseball pants clean?”

“What time is practice?”

“When is practice over?”

“How are we going to squeeze dinner in between practices?”

“Another tournament in Yorktown!”

“Another tournament in Mechanicsville!”


Miscellaneous Commentary

ME: “Someone or something keeps killing moles in the front yard and eating only half of them.”

JAMES: “Well, it’s not me.”

ME: “I was suspecting one of the cats, but thanks for clearing your name.”

IMG_1844

They always eat only the front end. Seems like it’s a waste of perfectly good mole meat. (is that even a mole? It’s hard to tell,)


ANDREW: “Can you move the vehicles so we can play basketball?”

ME: (grumbling) “I can’t believe we used to take ample driveway space for granted at the old house.”

IMG_1843

I had a parenting epiphany yesterday. (Sounds like a mess, doesn’t it…like “I had an epiphany all over the carpet.”…sorry)

Anyway, It occurred to me that you have to yell at your kids occasionally…or at least be really stern, and get in their faces… so they’ll take you seriously. Parents who are always nice and don’t realize that they’re the boss, wind up having kids who have no manners and treat them like doormats.

I never thought about it in that context before. On the occasions that I’ve yelled or barked at Andrew and Jack, it was because I was mad. And when I get angry, yelling comes naturally.

I didn’t plan it out, thinking, “maybe I should yell here so the boys will take me seriously and know that I’m the boss. Ok, here I go. I’ll start yelling now for their own good.”

But I’m glad that I’ve gotten mad and put them in their places when it was necessary, because I have really awesome, well-behaved boys, who know their limits, respect adults and refuse to allow themselves to be disrespected by others.

andrew and jack

That’s kind of a good thing that happened quite by accident. Sometimes, amid all the parenting guilt, you realize that you did something well without even planning it that way.

(Does that even remotely make sense?)

That’s all I’ve got for this Fly on the Wall. Buzz around a few other bloggers’ posts and see what’s happening at their houses.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                        Stacy Sews and Schools

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                   Battered Hope

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                  Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                        The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius

http://gndisney.wordpress.com                                Disneyland in Kentucky

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                    Searching for Sanity

http://www.angelaweight.com                                Sanity Waiting to Happen

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                             The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                   Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                         Juicebox Confession

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About angelaweight

Awkward, imperfect, ADD wife to tightly wound financial planner, mom of two boys, and rescuer of lucky stray animals. I should probably see a therapist rather than write a blog. But hopefully I can offer a few laughs along the way.
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15 Responses to If You were a Fly on the Wall in My Life

  1. I’m totally going with that philosophy: I yell at my kids for their own good. Love it!

    Like

  2. angelaweight says:

    Thanks Karen, I hope that made sense. I don’t yell or get mad often. I don’t have to. But after spending the past couple weeks around parents who mean well, but have no boundaries, I realized “crap! All this time I’ve been teaching my kids how to treat me and how not to treat me. That’s what every parent does by their words and actions, or lack there of, Even when they don’t realize they’re doing it.”

    Like

  3. That makes complete and total sense to me.
    Apparently I have been doing a better job at this parenting thing than I realized! I don’t yell or fuss very often but I must have been doing something right! LOL

    Like

  4. angelaweight says:

    Great, Stacy! Isn’t it cool to realize something good like this when we’re so often plagued with mommy guilt.

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  5. I love your family’s humor! Oh, and I’d totally by that Gazebo!

    Like

  6. angelaweight says:

    Thanks, Michele!

    Like

  7. Karen says:

    OMG….LOLOLOL…the toilet paper without the flowers and the farts following him…awesome! I had a student once with really bad gas, so I told him about the 5 second rule…he would walk to a corner, fart and count to five, then come back to our area so the fart would not follow….

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  8. angelaweight says:

    Karen, I’ve never heard of THAT five second rule, but it is going into effect immediately in our household.

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  9. re: yelling. I notice my daughter catching herself to keep from yelling. I thought it was cuz I was present, but realized she consciously does it always — which I admire. When discussing yelling with her 3 year old (her mom and dad live apart) she mentioned oh so casually,”Oh my dad yells all the time.”

    re: Jesus the carpenter. My husband recently mentioned it must be an enhancement to the story as there were few trees where He lived.

    I enjoy your posts. Only get notifications sometimes. (?)

    Like

  10. Carolann says:

    laughed the entire way through this one lol. I agree, there were so many times I thought the same thing about raising my kids. Yelling, very necessary indeed!

    Like

  11. angelaweight says:

    Lol, thanks, Carolann! Great minds think alike!

    Like

  12. angelaweight says:

    Thanks, Virginia! Your hubby might be onto something about Trees back then. I should’ve said in the post that I don’t yell often at all. I’m very opposed to yelling at kids daily because it can easily lose effect and then your kids just tune you out.

    Like

  13. Loved this. I can relate on so many levels. The humor in your family is awesome.

    Like

  14. someoneelsesgenius says:

    I absolutely hate clingy farts.

    As for the questions on Jesus’s carpentry – all valid.

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  15. I loved your thoughts on Jesus Christ as a carpenter. I’ve actually seen orange Formica in a kitchen. In real life. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that harrowing experience.

    “Parents who are always nice and don’t realize that they’re the boss, wind up having kids who have no manners and treat them like doormats.”

    Hey, now, that’s just plain cruel. 😉 How was I supposed to know? In the immortal words of Marshal Mathers (eminem), “I’m sorry!” 😉

    Like

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