Instantly Ageless? Do Egg Whites Remove Under-Eye Bags? My Own Experiment (with unflattering selfies)

(If you’re easily offended and/or Canadian, please read with caution.)

The other day, my friend Jennifer posted on Facebook that she was looking for advice on products to remove (or at least hide) the dark circles under her eyes. I, too, suffer from this unfortunate, age-related affliction.

(My under-eye bags can get so large and dark that it looks like I’ve stuffed them with yard clippings. Like Jennifer, I’m searching for a treatment that works and costs less than a new set of breasts.)

In response to Jenn’s question, someone posted a video of a woman named Bekki (with two k’s, like she’s got something against c’s), from British Columbia demonstrating a miracle product called Instantly Ageless. I was super excited to watch it and discover that Canadians also suffer from baggy eyes.

The stuff seemed to work magic. No camera tricks. No edited before and after photos. Bekki rubbed the mucus-like fluid under her eyes and then engaged her viewers in awkward, unrehearsed small talk. The camera was on her the whole time. And amazingly enough….her dark eye bags vanished within a couple of minutes.

(Here’s the video of Bekki. She keeps saying how much “fun” it is to use this product. Maybe she was just released from captivity or something.)

I immediately Googled Instantly Ageless and found it on Amazon.com. The dozens of reviews were less than glowing, which led me to think that in all her “fun,” Bekki had neglected to tell us a few things.

One reviewer wrote,”You can do the same thing with egg whites.”

“Seriously? egg whites?” What made someone choose to rub egg whites on their face to see if it would cause them to look younger? Or did they just happen to have egg whites on their face for some other reason and suddenly realized that their eye bags were gone? Perhaps there was a meringue making disaster involving an out-of-control Kitchen Aid mixer. Can you imagine that conversation?

“Sorry, Doris. Gotta hang up. I’ve got meringue all over my face, but OH MY GOD! I look 20 again!”

IMG_1940

I’d just bought a dozen eggs and was more than willing to sacrifice one in the name of science and inexpensive eye bag removal.

IMG_1939

Above is my before photo. I’m wearing no makeup (and clearly have no shame.) Notice the bag, half-circle crease under my left eye, but it’s on the right because you’re facing me. It’s always more noticeable than the other one, as if my left eye has had a tougher life than my right one.

IMG_1941

(I didn’t take any photos while applying this to my face. Just picture it in your head, if you can.)

IMG_1942

This is about five minutes after smearing egg white under my eyes. Holy Crap! It’s working! I can definitely tell a difference! Grab an egg and try it yourself if you don’t believe me!

IMG_1944

UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Ten minutes later. The bag is gone. This is insane!!!!

It’s also starting to dry and feels sort of crusty. How will I apply foundation over this? And what if it starts to flake off, like some strange, random patch of facial dandruff?

With my new found youth, I decided to take the dogs for a walk.

ONE HOUR LATER

IMG_1947

We’re back! CRAP!!! The bag is back too! Seriously? And now I need Botox between my eyebrows too.

So, I guess egg whites do work to remove eye bags. But you have to reapply it every hour, which means I’d have to start carrying eggs with me whenever I leave the house. And where would I store them? Can’t just toss them in my purse with my lipstick, unless I kept them in the egg carton. I’d need a refrigerated purse and I don’t think they’ve been invented yet.

Of course, freshly laid eggs don’t need refrigeration. But then I’d have to buy my own laying hens…and build a hen house. And how would I explain that to people? “Yeah, I raise chickens in order to look younger.”

I could start selling the eggs as specially formulated “youth renewal” eggs. Maybe Instantly Ageless is nothing more than egg whites in fancy packaging. Leave it to Canadians to come up with such brilliance.

angela book cover

For more humor like this, click here to download my book. Proceeds will go toward my eye bag correction fund…or a new set of boobs.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Instantly Ageless? Do Egg Whites Remove Under-Eye Bags? My Own Experiment (with unflattering selfies)

  1. I literally cannot stop laughing (cackling like a chicken laying an egg?) over this post!! You are hysterical, girl!!! And you haven’t seen bags until you’ve seen mine. My bags have bags!

    Like

  2. mysocalledmidlife.net says:

    Wow, I was feeling so encouraged…until I saw the photo you took just minutes later. I was ready to run out and buy out all the eggs on the shelf!

    Like

  3. Haha! You are so funny. Too bad the egg white solution is so short-lived because I could use some help in that area myself.

    Like

  4. I needed that laugh–it was deep and from the belly–you so funny!

    Like

  5. LOL, egg whites have long been popular for the protein to the skin…never heard it for bags,though! Cute!

    Like

  6. Carolann says:

    I would get worried about salmonella too lol knowing me, I’d try this and end up in the hospital. Hysterical though. I wondered about that product before as I’ve seen it on the web and I have tried others like it…and you are right about one thing…applying foundation over them is a nightmare! Good job for sure!

    Like

  7. angelaweight says:

    Lol, Carolann, I didn’t even think about salmonella! I’ll keep searching for that miracle product and hope not to end up in the hospital. 😅

    Like

  8. angelaweight says:

    Aw, thanks, Carol! I really appreciate that.

    Like

  9. angelaweight says:

    Wow, I’d never heard of egg whites having skin benefits before.

    Like

  10. angelaweight says:

    Yeah, that was disappointing for sure.

    Like

  11. angelaweight says:

    Lol, me too, Sheryl! Then the miracle wore off. Darn it!

    Like

  12. angelaweight says:

    Lol! You’re so funny! Always make me laugh out loud. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.

    Like

  13. WendysHat says:

    This is so funny! I would never have been brave enough to try it though!

    Like

  14. Thank you for the laugh today. I have heard of egg whites as a treatment. Glad you gave us the unvarnished truth!

    Like

  15. “… a woman named Bekki (with two k’s, like she’s got something against c’s),”

    This is what I’m talking about! Love it!

    Like

  16. angelaweight says:

    Lol, thanks, Talmage. I couldn’t resist that one.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Karen Halaszyn says:

    Instantly Ageless works as long as the egg white.

    Like

  18. Lori Kelly says:

    I wonder if you mix it with foundation and then apply it to your under eye area. There is a product called sudden change that works like that and some people find that mixing it with their foundation, a 1 drop of foundation to 2 drops of serum in the palm of your hand, and apply.

    Like

  19. Edith says:

    Good read. my mind got going on the subject of handbags for hens. you know like they have those pocket dogs who are carried around. Good read. Eggwhite mask was one of those grandmas recipes that were suppose to .. well i am not quite sure what it was suppose to do but i remember reading about it.

    Like

  20. Jennifer says:

    You cracked me up with the merainge story.

    Like

Leave a comment, pretty please...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s