If You Were a Fly on the Wall in my Life-Vol II-Sleazy Baseball Moves

Welcome to this month’s Fly on the Wall group post. Today 15 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my life for a while.

Tonight James, Andrew and Jack are glued to the Rockets-Warriors game. How am I supposed to pay attention when the players’ shoes are constantly squeaking up and down the court? I bet if you took a person who was born blind to a basketball game, they’d probably think it was being played by really talkative birds. Of course, why would you take a blind person to a basketball game? That’d be kind of cruel. Like challenging them to a game of Eye Spy.

Throughout the month, in preparation for this post, I make little notes on my phone of funny things I want to remember. But then, reading them later, I’m like “what?” Here are a few examples.

Jordan Box

Alien Hillbillies

Never trust a plastic hippo.

Graffiti Stencils: ANDREW: I wonder if gangs ever use stencils for their graffiti. It would be funny if they sold them at Michael’s or Hobby Lobby. “Excuse me, do you have the twelve-inch Crips logo in Comic Sans font?”

crips

Crack Black- A couple other moms, Nicole and Karyn (we’re trouble together) and I were watching the Rattlers (Andrew’s baseball team) and noticed that the middle seam on the back of their white pants were all dirty, like “black” dirty. Karyn says “Instead of eye black, it looks like they’re passing around a stick of crack black.” So, we spent the next 20 minutes or so making up ad slogans for Crack Black. The best I came up with was “Crack Black-for when the sun’s glare is too much for your moon.” Yeah, it still needs some work.

11059965_10206419624519680_8635446199863427501_n

Andrew, laying down a tag and a round house kick. Hope he remembered the Crack Black.

What if God was a Little League coach? I bet it’d be sort of intimidating to the other teams. “Great! We’re playing God’s team tonight. They go undefeated every year.”

Imagine if you had to be the umpire for that game. Talk abut pressure!

Speaking of baseball, I saw something the other night that completely floored me. My nine-year-old, Jack’s team was playing against a team that shall remain nameless. Okay, I’ll call them Scott.

Jack was at short stop and Scott had runners on first and third. Suddenly the kid on first takes off to steal. Halfway there, he trips over his own feet, falls face first and just lies there in the fetal position in the baseline. Concerned about the injured kid, the coaches run out to check on him. Meanwhile the kid at third runs home and scores. The catcher then tries to get him out, but it’s too late. And the fetal position kid jumps up and trots to second, where Jack tagged him. But the run still counted.

11113818_10206059743546642_3264301598684285854_n

A cute photo of Jack after the crap baseball game. We peat them 14-7, by the way.

Did you follow all that? Total crap baseball! And their coach acted like his trick play was the most brilliant thing since Crack Black. You should NEVER want to win that badly that you fake an injured player. Did the coach do drills for that move at practice? “Okay, boys, let’s go over the ‘fall-on-your-face-move. And make it look real this time!”

Sitting among all the parents at that game made me feel sort of guilty for having all my teeth.

In other news…

ME: “OW!” (Hitting my elbow really hard, getting out of the car.)

JACK: “I know why they call it a funny bone.”

ME: “Why?”

JACK: “Because when you hurt it, everyone else thinks it’s funny.”

ANDREW: “I wonder what kind of hand gestures birds give each other when they get mad in traffic.”

“That robin in the SUV over there just shot me a human!”

JACK (grabbing the basketball): “Mom, let’s play the long version of HORSE.”

ME: “What’s that called?”

JACK: “CHUPACABRA.”

MY MOM: “looks like my Digitalis is coming up.”

ME: “Digitalis? Sounds like something you’d have to give a urine specimen for. Oh no! He tested positive for Digitalis!”

Digitalis_Purpurea

It was the worst case of Digitalis I’d ever seen!

The other day I heard someone mention their “cousin twice removed.” What the crap does that term mean anyway? Makes the relative sound like a basal cell carcinoma. “I went to the dermatologist to have my cousin removed again today. That’s twice now!”

If you’ve gotta remove someone twice, you should just get a restraining order. 

andy removal

Looks like we’re trying to remove my cousin Andy. But we’re not. Love these guys.

Last week, we celebrated my cat Anakin’s seventh rescue anniversary, or “gotcha day.” My parents were never able to remember his name.

"Have I told you lately that I hate you?"

“Have I told you lately that I hate you?”

MOM: “Awww, Ambien’s letting me pet him.”

DAD “Here kitty. Come here, Heineken!”

(My dad passed away last March and never once called the cat anything but Heineken. And my mom still calls him Ambien. That really tells you a lot about my parents.)

That’s all I’ve got for this Fly on the Wall. Buzz around a few other bloggers’ posts and see what’s happening at their houses.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                       Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                  Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                      Follow Me Home

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/             Stacy Sews and Schools

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                              Battered Hope

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                               Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                            The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                       Someone Else’s Genius

http://gndisney.wordpress.com                                Disneyland in Kentucky

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                 Searching for Sanity

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                             The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                   Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                         Juicebox Confession

Advertisements

About angelaweight

Awkward, imperfect, ADD wife to tightly wound financial planner, mom of two boys, and rescuer of lucky stray animals. I should probably see a therapist rather than write a blog. But hopefully I can offer a few laughs along the way.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to If You Were a Fly on the Wall in my Life-Vol II-Sleazy Baseball Moves

  1. OMG, I’m totally stuck on that sleazy baseball move. How can a kids’ coach think that’s ok? Still laughing at graffiti stencils and crack black!

    Like

  2. That cat! That’s all I can say. That cat! LOL

    Like

  3. Meg says:

    What a rotten thing to pull during a kids game!
    “cousin twice removed”… omg that was freaking great!
    I love Anakin Ambien Heineken’s bow tie. ❤
    Happy gotcha day!

    Like

  4. tamwarner says:

    I don’t think sanity will every come to my abode, that is for sure!

    Like

  5. mysocalledmidlife.net says:

    Lots of great stuff to listen to – I miss the days when my boys were younger and we got to indulge in a lot of banter and silliness!

    Like

  6. Love the names for your cat! They are hilarious. And I hear you about basketball. My husband watches every single game. When will it be over?

    Like

  7. doreenb8 says:

    I’ve seen grown, professional football, baseball and basketball players use that sleazy move. So sad it is being taught to kids. Your little one is adorable!

    Like

  8. peopledonteatenoughfudge says:

    We call our cat Squishy – poor thing wasn’t ever meant to stay so we didn’t bother giving her a proper name. I’ve never understood that twice removed thing either and you never hear anyone say my cousin three times removed do you? – maybe you need to only remove someone twice before they get the message. I would comment on the baseball thing if I had a clue what you were talking about but I’m sure it was (as we say here in England) Shocking bad form and not at all cricket!

    Like

  9. loisaltermark says:

    Too funny! Being a fly on the wall of your life has left me exhausted and with a stomach ache from laughing so hard!

    Like

  10. Karen says:

    Happy 7th gotcha day! OMG…laughing at the dermatologist removing the cousin twice…yeah I never understood those terms either.

    Like

  11. Crack black!!! DYING!!!!! Too funny!!!
    I can’t believe what a lousy move that was!! What a way to teach kids. GRRRRR!!!!!!!

    Like

  12. Carolann says:

    I love that Crack Black LOL. And your parents sound like a blast. Love that cat too 🙂

    Like

  13. Crack Black is sure to be a best seller. Saw red when I read about the coach. That’s wrong on so many levels. Teaches the kids the wrong things about sports. In all honestly, I would report him.

    Like

  14. Love the “crack-black” comments. You better copyright that! And then you can make enough money to host a non-cheating kid’s baseball league. Pretending you’re hurt for a score? Wrong.
    “Gotcha Day”= I’m going to use that. Awesome name for rescue anniversaries 🙂

    Like

  15. someoneelsesgenius says:

    Anakin finds your lack of style disturbing… Love the bowtie!

    Like

  16. crack black, dirty eye, Ambien and Heineken! Love it

    Like

  17. batteredhope says:

    Funny what you said about cousin twice removed but strangely enough that is the correct term. We used to say second cousin – but that is actually your grandparents cousin. The right term is cousin twice removed. See you learn something everyday.

    Like

  18. Loved the part where your cat is called “Ambien” and “Heineken”. So funny

    Like

Leave a comment, pretty please...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s