Tag Archives: satire

NaBloPoMo Day 4: People Who Have “One-Upmanship” Other Irritating Conditions

Now that my son Andrew is 13, he’s suddenly become an expert on driving. Even though the kid has zero experience behind the wheel of an automobile, he’s getting more and more adept at pointing out when I’m going too … Continue reading

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Do you suffer from Escalophobia, Genophobia or Mycophobia? I fear for you.

To find the phobia that suits you best, visit http://phobialist.com/ The other night I quite accidentally overcame my lifelong fear of down escalators (escalaphobia); and I was almost too engrossed in my new book to notice. In fact, being distracted … Continue reading

Posted in fear of bananas, fear of birds, fear of clowns, fear of down escalators, phobias, strange fears | Tagged , , , , | 14 Comments

22 Ways to Check the Weather Forecast After You’ve Dropped Your iPhone in the Toilet and Forgotten to Pay the Cable Bill

Early this morning, while helping my son Andrew get ready for school, I opened the front door to get a glimpse of this newly hatched day….and let the dogs out to do their taxes.* The sky was rosy pink. 1) … Continue reading

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Why Am I Gaining Weight?

Today was one of those mornings where I stood there, staring blankly into my closet, convinced that someone was breaking in and stealing all the clothes that fit me. It happens a lot, actually. I stand there, bemused at all … Continue reading

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21 Ways to Get Rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses and Pantry Moths**

“You can’t go wrong buying a house in Woodlake. It’s a fantastic place to raise a family. You’ll have access to the Swift Creek Resevoir, miles of tree-lined walking trails, some of the best schools in Virginia, shopping, community pools….. … Continue reading

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Would You Like Cash Back (and other insulting questions)

Hello Debit/Credit Card Reader Machine at Walmart, On the surface you appear helpful and proactive asking if I’d like cash back on my purchase of a $3.57 package of printer paper. Why yes, I’d like that very much. A whole … Continue reading

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There are FIVE Oceans Now? What the Heck???

I hate that uninformed, left out feeling that comes with learning something that everyone in the universe already knows…except me. Like the time in seventh grade when I worked up the courage to say hi to “cute Chad” only to find out … Continue reading

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Queen Bed Frame Assembly – Intelligence and Alcohol Not Included

I hate this. Mentally defeated by a three piece bed frame. The simplest of household assembly tasks. The bunny slope of DIY projects has K-O’d my self-reliance, leaving it crumpled in a ball of humiliation. It’s not like I was … Continue reading

Posted in bed frame assembly, Old REM songs, pinot grigio boxed wine | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

No Escape from My Husband’s Yelling and the Condemnation of My Inner Critic

In addition to the absence of storage space and our 10 foot high bedroom window that magnifies the sun’s light and heat by 700-percent, I’m discovering that this house has minimal insulation… specifically the noise reducing kind. Until living here, … Continue reading

Posted in home insulation, how to clean baseball pants, Iron Out, my inner critic, speaker phone conference calls | Tagged , , , | 20 Comments

VA Adventures: First Day of School Blues

Today is the first day of eighth grade for Andrew and third grade for Jack. I’ve been preparing for weeks. Mainly by worrying about them. The schools up here are big and unfamiliar. There’s no one to watch out for … Continue reading

Posted in Clover hill elementary, Dublin, first day of school, GA, Midlothian, tomahawk creek middle school, VA, west Laurens | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments